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Marriage may be an important commitment, but that doesn’t mean it has to be taken seriously all the time. In fact, if you take a step back, you might just find that some of the day-to-day annoyances of married life are actually pretty funny.
We’ve gathered 24 tweets that create a hilariously honest portrait of life as a husband or wife. Check them out:
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1
When you do it, it’s annoying, when I do it, it’s adorable.
Me, explaining life to my husband
— OldCardigan (@MizzusT) January 22, 2018 -
2
If you want to discuss the correct way to squeeze a tube of toothpaste every night, then being married might be right for you.
— παααααͺα©(s)π (@3sunzzz) December 30, 2017 -
3
I'm pretty sure my husband didn't breathe this loudly when I met him.
— Cathryn (@AngryRaccoon2) December 23, 2016 -
4
Husband: What's for dinner?
Me: Ah, we have two very fine options this evening! You may have Whatever The Kids Didn't Eat, or, the more appetizing, Something You Make For Yourself.
— Lauren Mullen (@DraggingFeeties) January 23, 2018 -
5
Each night my wife takes three pillows that aren’t for sleeping off of the bed and puts them on a chair that’s not for sitting.
— Distracted Dad (@Distracted_Dad) January 18, 2018 -
6
My wife asked if I thought she should go on a diet.
I bought her doughnuts.
Marriage level: Expert.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) January 15, 2018 -
7
Having a wife and daughters means that at any given time 80% of your home’s interior is covered in stray hair ties.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) January 23, 2018 -
8
wife: I just got stung by a jellyfish. quick, pee on it
me: [peeing on jellyfish] this is for stinging my wife
— yabkat (@ohen39) October 25, 2017 -
9
{me on my deathbed)
Husband: Do you know where my socks are?
— Lilybreau (@Lilybreau) January 25, 2018 -
10
Me [online shopping]: How cute is this teapot?
Husband: *couldn’t possibly care less*
Me: oh and it’s only $50
Husband: what?
Me: what?
Husband: what?
Me: *typing in credit card number* what?
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) January 24, 2018 -
11
wife *spends 5 minutes telling me why I shouldn’t do something*
also wife: But do what you want
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) January 25, 2018 -
12
There’s no wrong way to eat a Reese’s unless you’re married.
— Dorky Romano (@SuperApple80) January 13, 2018 -
13
Don’t get married until you hear how they chew gum.
— The Eh Factor π¨π¦ (@AngelaEhh) January 18, 2018 -
14
WIFE: oh yeah baby, keep doing it just like that
ME: [loading dishwasher the exact way she likes] hand me another bowl
— eric (@ericsshadow) January 16, 2018 -
15
My husband has an advanced degree and 18 questions about how to use a dishwasher pod.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) January 22, 2018 -
16
I just want the optimism of my husband who thinks if he throws a bunch of dirty laundry on top of the washing machine it will just wash itself.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) November 27, 2017 -
17
The newlywed couple laughed when I gave them blankets labeled “his” and “hers.” Obviously this is their first marriage.
— Darlin’ Darla (@Darlainky) January 15, 2018 -
18
My wife left to get a haircut so I’ve got maybe 2 hours to practice my “that looks great!” face in the mirror
— Mr. Hook (@Phook75) January 18, 2018 -
19
My husband just made a joke about needing a life coach like I’m not standing. Right. Here.
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) December 31, 2017 -
20
Marriage is about understanding what irritates your spouse and using it strategically.
— TheAlexNevil (@TheAlexNevil) January 17, 2018 -
21
My wife didn’t add all of the butter the box of mac & cheese called for so I guess we are doing whole 30.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) January 21, 2018 -
22
My husband asked to accompany me doing a ton of errands today and this must be how a divorce starts.
— Lori (@loribuckmajor) January 13, 2018 -
23
I don’t think it’s a coincidence mini beer fridges are the exact same size as night stands, I tell my wife while we’re shopping for new bedroom furniture.
— Joel (@joeljeffrey) January 24, 2018 -
24
[phone]
H: Sorry, I forgot to warm up your truck this morning.
M: And I'm married because?
— παααααͺα©(s)π (@3sunzzz) December 14, 2017
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