Advertisemen
Even the master of horror needs a laugh every now and then.
Author Stephen King took to Twitter on Wednesday to tell his fans he was feeling down and wanted to hear a joke:
Having kind of a blue day, Twitter, so tell me a joke. I'll re-tweet the first one that makes me laugh.
— Stephen King (@StephenKing) January 31, 2018
The 7,000+ responses could’ve filled the pages of one of King’s books, but at first he didn’t get the laugh he was looking for:
Heisenberg & Schroedinger get pulled over for speeding.
The cop says “do you know how fast you were going?”
Heisenberg says “no but I know where I am.”
Cop says “did you know there’s a dead cat in your trunk?”
Schroedinger says, “I do now, asshole.”
— Mikel Jollett (@Mikel_Jollett) January 31, 2018
Sorry, but I only chuckled. Faintly.
— Stephen King (@StephenKing) January 31, 2018
It took more than an hour, but eventually, King got his laugh.
Here’s the crack that tickled his funny bone:
How do you make a duck sing? Put it in the sun 'till it's Bill Withers
— Lucy Gumble (@LucyRandallGum) January 31, 2018
Okay, winner winner chicken dinner. I didn't get it. Then I did. Then...ROFL https://t.co/Q5xDk7SE5H
— Stephen King (@StephenKing) January 31, 2018
Of course, once you start laughing, it can be hard to stop.
“Now I’m laughing at all of them,” King wrote, sharing these:
Sorry you're having a blue day, Stephen. Here's a joke your fellow American author Tom Barbash told me. It's only a little risqué...
The chicken and the egg were enjoying a post-coital cigarette. "Well", said the egg, "I guess we settled that question."
— David Mitchell (@david_mitchell) January 31, 2018
2 muffins are in an oven.
The first muffin says to the other muffin
“Man, it’s hot in here!”
The other muffin says
“Eeeeek! Talking muffin!”
— TheShrike (@bklinger62) January 31, 2018
French man in sandals? Philippe Filop...
— Lucifer13 (@Lucifer13) January 31, 2018
Two peanuts were walking down a long dark alley. One was a salted.
— Emily Schaffhausen 🥂 (@silly_emily3) January 31, 2018
Having a rough day/year? Here are some of the other responses:
Coupla cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other & sez ‘does he taste funny to you?’ https://t.co/SVKYArYL4y
— Ron Perlman (@perlmutations) February 1, 2018
I walked into my room and tripped on my own bra. It was a booby trap.
— Emma (@willec94) January 31, 2018
Two pilots landing a plane, overshoot the runway, crash through the barrier, end up in a field. One pilot turns to the other "that was a short runway". "Yeah" says the other, " was really wide though."
— Bob Hurford (@BobHurford) January 31, 2018
A biologist, a chemist, and a statistician are out hunting. The biologist shoots at a deer and misses five feet to the left. The chemist takes a shot and misses five feet to the right. The statistician yells “We got ’em!”
— J E N N I 🦖 △⃒⃘ (@JenniferTuskey) January 31, 2018
What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
Make me one with everything.
So the vendor makes him one with everything. Buddhist hands him a 20. Vendor puts it in the till and closes it.
Buddhist says, "What about my change?"
Vendor says, "Change comes from within."
— Dale Atwater (@DaleAtwater) February 1, 2018
pic.twitter.com/n1lzJiioFd
— Brett Bayne (@BrettySpaghetti) January 31, 2018
I have the heart of a child. It's in a jar, on my desk.
— slacker (@Slackandproud) January 31, 2018
Went to the doctor for a physical. He told me you got to stop masturbating. I ask why and he tells me because im trying to give you a physical.
— The Mighty Milkme (@mightymilkme) February 1, 2018
A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I can't believe you're here — we have a drink named after you!"
The grasshopper says, "Really? You have a drink named Keith?"
— Kara LaReau (@karalareau) February 1, 2018
I'm way late to this party but, my favorite knock-knock joke:
Knock-knock.
Who's there?
To.
To who?
To *whom.*
— Petition to waterboard Donald Trump (@LarryFulford) February 1, 2018
The Higgs Boson walks into a church.
The priest says “we don’t allow Higgs Bosons in here”
The Higgs Boson says “but without me how can you have mass?”
— walter (@michaelwalter_) February 1, 2018
Advertisemen